Today I write. Today I am just going to put my feelings down, everything that is jumbled up in my head that I want to get down. I will resume my normal blog stories soon, but today, I don’t want to talk about him. For today, I want to document the things that are important to me in this moment. I have a million small stories in my head, so I’m going to list a few of them here. Each paragraph will be a different story. I hope it’s not too convoluted, but I need to get this all down on “paper” so to speak.
- Carly and Asher played together last night. I mean they really played. They giggled and laid in the floor together, they chased one another, Carly pushed him on this dumb little worm car ( I should have never bought the thing- no kid can operate it, so an adult MUST push it, and the wheels don’t turn and it’s just awkward and I hate it) – nonetheless, Carly and Asher genuinely hung out like brother and sister last night. They even fought over a pillow, in a silly way. Tug-of-war style. It was just so much fun to watch them. Asher wanted to do just what Carly was doing, if she stomped her feet he would too, if she laid down in the floor, he had to be right next to her, with his own matching blanket.
Carly and Asher being twins. 
2. I am in my Junior year of college, doing all online classes now, because there is no time for anything else. This semester I am taking Precalculus and U.S. History. Last night, as I was studying for today’s first History test, Carly called me in, she needed help with her Algebra, and y’all, I was able to help her. It was amazing. I told her, “God must have known you’d need some help and he was getting me ready to help you by putting me in math this semester!” And she responded with,” You know, I’ve been listening to a lot of Christian music lately, I just love it. It’s so uplifting.” I know it doesn’t seem huge, but it’s nice to know that my girl is making the decision to listen to Godly music. There are a lot of choices out there, a lot of decisions for our teens to make, and she’s making pretty good ones. I am so proud of her. And then, y’all, I got a GENUINE thank you from her for the math help before I went to do my own studying. Life’s struggles are totally worth it for my girl.
3. I was reading a story last night about a man that raped his infant son. It was local to the state of Alabama, where I live. He tore the lining under the babies’ tongue, he broke his legs, his ribs, and other atrocities that couldn’t even be mentioned in the article. I cried myself to sleep.I can’t begin to fathom the life that poor baby has lived. His life has probably never known trust, calm, love, or peace. My heart breaks. I weep for him, even now. I decided I needed to check in on my smallest kiddo, and was fully prepared to take him back to bed with me if I woke him up. I kind of hoped he would wake up. But, when I crept into Asher’s room, he had his arm around his stuffed pony that he sleeps with. He was sleeping and quite content. He has never known distrust, he has never known real and actual hurt from a loved one, he will never know it from me, and I will do my best to protect him from those that would choose to do so. He lights up when I get home from work and holds onto me until he is forced to let go again the next day. He has renewed my sense of beauty in the world, but he has also renewed my fear of it. There is so much that could go wrong at any time, to either of my sweet babies. We as parents pray it will never happen but that never means we are safe from the evil that lives around us.
4. Speaking of evil in the world, I want to foster. I want to one day adopt. You guys will have noticed there is a trend in my stories. They are centered around my children. Children are my heart. They always have been. I saw a meme yesterday that someone shared, and it was a woman in a video. Her name is Lisa Bevere. She said, “The attacks on your life have much more to do with who you might be in the future than who you have been in the past. The enemy fears you becoming who God has made you to be.” This could relate to me, but I think it relates more to the kids in the foster care system. Look at their lives. Did they ever have a chance? If good people would step up, of course they would. Satan fears them. He doesn’t want them to become great men for God. But as Christian people, if we would step up and do our part to break the cycle of abuse, the cycle of evil, then the world truly would be a better place. I want to be that person. Last year was my attempt to get my own life back in order. I am still working on that even now, but I am light years ahead of where I was last year in terms of mental attitude, financial dependence, and a determined spirit. I have a plan. I work on it and tweak it daily. But my big picture goal is to one day take in at least one foster child. It may be next year, or even in a few years, but I am working on it, and letting God handle the timing. This is my goal, powered by God, and I will not be deterred. And as I was writing this, a friend of mine posted on Facebook that she adopted her son today. She has not been able to share his bright and amazing face for 6 months. Today, she floods Facebook with his existence and it renews my hope once again. This. Can. Happen. This. WILL. Happen. If you’re reading this and you pray, please pray for my continued guidance to bring children to me that need me. Scratch that, that need Him. I need Him. I fail daily. I know that. Pray for my continued growth as well.
5. I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. I am taking a personal day next Monday to get it all done, and I still don’t think I’ll have time to get everything done. Dentist appointment for cleaning (and a filling), meeting with my lawyer, meeting with St Paul’s preschool, I have an appointment at Apple to get my phone looked at, I have a meeting at the Health Department, I have to go grocery shopping.. I have… not enough hours in the day!!! Whew, good thing I bought that new handy dandy planner. We’ll see if I can get it all done!
6. I am in the process of trying to decide what is best financially for me regarding my home. Currently I have some really nice folks renting the house out from me. Their lease is up at the end of July, and I am trying to make some decisions. I have a few options:
- Sell my house and live with my parents for another year, paying them rent (which I already do). Upside: I will be able to save a lot of money. Downside: Close quarters makes for trying times.
- Sell my house and purchase another home in Hartselle, which is where Carly goes to school. Currently I pay tuition for her to attend there each year. I’ve spent about $4000 on her in her lifetime on her school tuition alone. -Upside: I won’t have to pay tuition anymore, I will own a new home, in the city I’ve wanted to live in for a long time. It will be a breeze getting Carly to school every morning. Downside: I won’t have as much money to put back in savings each month. Especially if I buy the priced house I want, because once I move, I don’t want to have to move again, at least not for a long time.
- Stay in my house for the next year, bide my time, save up some more money, and move in another year or two. – Downside: I have been doing option 3 for ten years, saying I’ll sell, then finding some reason to back out, and then never selling and never getting to move. Anyone have any sound advice?
Okay, this concludes Lori’s random thought process blog for today. Stay tuned! 🙂 Love you all.
Lori
MorningLori 